Ralph the Timid tried not to look distinctive as he and his friends walked up to the castle gates. But it didn't really work. Well, it worked in so far as he himself was not distinctive, but anyone who travels with a) a mad chartmaker dressed in at least 18 different and extremely bright colours, b) a sack which keeps wriggling and yowling, c) a gigantic black cave beast with horns the size of a small cow and twice as pointy, and d) an Unexpectedly Large Warbler cannot seriously hope to not be noticed.
A lot of people stared as they approached. But no guards seemed interested in challenging them, and they went straight in. Prince Rupert relied on his reputation to keep unwanted visitors at bay. So the travellers went straight in, and besides a lot of stares and nudging of friends by those around them, no one said or did anything about it. They tried their best to look as if they knew where they were going until they found a quiet corner in which they could hide and figure out where exactly they WERE going.
At length they found a quiet corner - behind some barrels near the kitchens - and tucked themselves into it. "Well, Ralph the Timid!" said Mad Pete in an enthusiasticly loud whisper. "Which tower do you think she's in?"
Ralph the Timid looked up, scanning the forest of towers that sprouted from the bulk of the castle and keep. They all looked the same from this angle. Some maybe taller than others, but all much of a muchness. "Um," he said doubtfully. "It might be that one?"he pointed at one of the taller ones on the left. "But I'm not really sure."
Ginger McSporran tried to squish himself back into the wall by the barrels. He felt he was the most conspicious, and he was probably right. He was more than head and shoulders taller than the others, for starters, and that didn't take into account his horns, wings and altogether frightening appearance. "Can you think of any distinguishing features it might have had?" he whispered hoarsely and extremely quietly.
"Sorry, what was that?" asked Ralph, in an undertone. "I know we're whispering but I was completely unable to hear you."
"Yes, speak up, you big black beastie!" said Mad Pete, again quite loudly but with irritable good humour.
"Can you think of any distinguishing features the tower might have had?" asked Ginger McSporran, slightly louder, making him actually audible this time.
Ralph thought. His brow furrowed. He scratched his head. "It had a girl in it," he offered. "And it looked very tall."
Ginger McSporran sighed. "Anything else? They're all very tall and we can't see if there's a girl in any of them from here."
"Can you think of anything else, Ralph?" asked Mad Pete, relaying Ginger McSporran's words to Ralph as if he hadn't been able to hear them for himself. He looked at him with his head on one side like a curious bird.
Ralph sighed. "If only you could fly up and have a look, Ginger." he said, trying not to sound hopeful.
A note of hope must have crept in because Ginger McSporran glared at him. "Please don't pressure me, young Ralph," he said with as much dignity as he was able to muster. "I have explained why I cannot fly at present."
"I know, I'm sorry!" Ralph the Timid hurriedly apologised. "We'll just have to think of something else."
At that moment, Mad Pete gave out a whoop and leapt in the air, punching upwards.
"SSSSSHHHH!" said Ralph the Timid and Ginger McSporran as one man/beast.
"I've got it!" said Mad Pete only slightly more quietly. "Ethel can fly up and look, and then she can tell us."
Ralph raised one eyebrow. Ginger McSporran looked doubtful, but said. "Well, if you think she can do it."
Mad Pete looked scorn at his doubters. "What do you mean, THINK? Of course she can do it. Come here, Ethel!" he called to the Unexpectedly Large Warbler, completely abandoning all pretence of whispering.
He explained carefully to the bird what he wanted her to do. She seemed to listen, her head tilting from side to side as she did so. Then with a squawk, she lifted up into the air, circled once and then flew up to towards the towers. Ralph marvelled again that a bird of such massive bulk could fly with such grace. It was like watching a cow with wings behaving like a skylark.She flew neatly in and out the between the towers, circling each one looking for windows and signs of people within.
Lady Ann saw the large bulk of the Unexpectedly Large Warbler approaching from quite a distance, not very surprisingly. What was that? A large cow? A small dragon? A giant inflatable ...thing? She leant out to get a closer look, then drew back in hurriedly as the bird swooped past close to her head. With a warbling noise, the bird soared high in the air, then came towards the window, slowly dropping speed.
Lady Ann realised the bird's intention just in time to avoid collision. She threw herself to the floor and Ethel, unable to brake in time to land on the window sill, somersaulted into the tower room and stop just before hitting the wall."WarbARGK" squawked Ethel with extreme exclamatory fervour.She straightened herself and hopped up onto the end of Lady Ann's bed, where she began preening her ruffled feathers.
Lady Ann stared at the bird. She couldn't believe a bird could be that big. She couldn't believe a bird that big could fly. What did it want? Was it hungry? What did it - did it eat people? Was it tame? She slowly picked herself up from the floor, dusting off her dress as she did so and shaking out the ruffles. She looked at Ethel warily.
"Warble." said Ethel, looking back. "Waarble warble warble warble warble. Tweet. Tweeeet."
If Lady Ann had understood the language of the Unexpectedly Large Warblers, she would have known that she had been asked if she was Lady Antoinetta Bernadetta Clarissa Drusilla Eleanora Georgetta Henrietta Isabella Juanita Katherina Lolita Marguerita Nerissa Octavia Petunia Quintessa Roberta Suzetta Tabitha Ursula Venitia Wilhelmina Xenia Zelda of Erd, and whether she needed to be rescued. If she had understood that she could have replied "Warble warble" which, if said in the correct key, would mean "Yes I am, please help me."
Instead she said, with what she considered to be admirable calm, "Nice birdie. Please don't eat me."
"WARBLE!" said Ethel, shaking her head and beginning to emit a series of chuckling tweets "Ha-weet, ha-weet, ha-weet!" She was laughing, because although Lady Ann had not understood her, Ethel had spent so much time with Mad Pete that she understood Lady Ann perfectly.
The bird looked so comical that Lady Ann relaxed. Surely if it was going to eat her it would have done so by now. She leant against the table and wrapped her arms around herself. "I wish you could help me," she said aloud, whimsically. "I'm a prisoner here. I wish I could fly like you." she smiled at the bird.
"Warble, warble." said Ethel, which in this case meant "Don't worry, I'll fetch help." and hopped off the bed and made great leaps towards the window. She scrabbled and flapped a bit to get up on the windowsill, then turning her head to Lady Ann to make one last warble at her, launched herself out the window like an iron anvil trying to float. Lady Ann ran to the window in time to see the big birds wings extend and catch the air, so she swooped away from the castle rather than plummeting into the ground.
"Well, that was something different," said Lady Ann out loud as she watched her go.
(Word Count: 42995)
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