Chapter Thirty: In Which Lady Ann sends more darts, and people find them.

Lady Ann sat at her window and sighed. She had sent out dozens of darts, and now all she had to do was wait. But she was sick of waiting. It was so boring. She sighed again, more deeply. She played "I spy with my little eye" with herself, but that was no fun. She always knew and could get it in one guess.
She had run out of bricks to count. She had memorised everything on the horizon. She had spent a fruitless hour or so trying to spot if she could see where the darts had got to. She couldn't. She wished that Prince Rupert had thought to put a harp or a piano or something like that in the tower. She wasn't as talented a musician as some of her fellow princesses, but she could play reasonably well. And besides, she would by this stage be much better, she thought. She would have had ample time to practice.
She sighed for a third time. It was no use crying over split milk. And she was not going to agree to Prince Rupert's demands. She wasn't even going to write him a letter. She would not be bored into submission! She might not have a musical instrument, or anything to read, or sew, but she could exercise! Or she could sing!
It was a hot day, and Lady Ann was clad in a reasonably heavy brocade dress, so she very sensibly decided on singing instead. She sang everything single song she could think of, starting with the Alphabet Song (" A B C D E F G, H I J K L M N O P, Q R S, T U V, W, X, Y and Z, Now I know my A B C, next time won't you sing with me?") and going on through all the nursery rhymes she knew (about fifty or sixty, she was surprised to notice) and finally finishing up with the great Abletean epic "Maurice's Disappearing Bag", all six hundred verses of it. She did not actually KNOW all six hundred verses so she had to make some of them up, but it passed the day away. She didn't know what she would do the next day, but she would think about that tomorrow.
Little did she know she would not be a prisoner for very much longer. Help was on its way.
Ralph the Timid, Ginger McSporran (plus Twinkle in a bag), Mad Pete and Ethel had said goodbye to Maurice, Shadbolt, Abendigo and the other gypsies that morning and set off across the Wide Flat Plains. The Wide Flat Plains were quite narrow at this point and they could soon see the hills, misty and blue in the distance but getting ever larger. They soon hit a road that seemed to lead directly to the hills, and decided to follow that.
By light of day, the gypsies predictions regarding Ralph's dream seemed even more ridiculous, and Ralph had pushed them completely to the back of his mind. He still had the seeds in his pocket though, and he polished them automatically as he strolled along. Mad Pete was whistling, and Ethel warbling with him in some kind of man- bird duet. Ginger McSporran just walked. He wasn't the most talkative of black beasts of caves.
Eventually they saw the tall spires of the castle of Xanadu, first faintly, then getting very near. Ralph suddenly became very nervous. "What am I doing?" he said aloud. "If I am the son of the King and Queen of Xanadu, they won't want me back, they dumped me in the mountainside forests deliberately to get rid of me! And if my twin is there, and a practising bad guy, won't he try and get rid of me? This plan is seriously flawed! I'm stopping." And he suited action to the word, sitting down suddenly in a ditch.
This was actually an accident. He had meant to sit down somewhat less suddenly on the nice green grassy verge of the road, not noticing the ditch. He had thus put his foot in the ditch, resulting in his sudden descent.
"Ouch!" said Ralph the Timid, rubbing his posterior. "the world hates me."
"Come on now, " said Ginger McSporran, stopping to look at Ralph. "The world doesn't hate you. Just that ditch." He started to chortle his metal grating laugh but stopped when Ralph shot him a dirty look.
Ralph sighed and looked at his feet. And then he looked past his feet. There was something in the ditch - a bit battered by the weather, but it was something that looked like a paper dart, with writing all over it. He picked it up, curious to see what it was.
Mad Pete stared in horror. "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to pick up things you find in drains? You don't know where that's been?"
"Well I'm not going to eat it, Mad Pete!" said Ralph with some heat, and unfolded the dart.
It read (although crossed through with red ink):
"Dearest Lady Lady Antoinetta Bernadetta Clarissa Drusilla Eleanora Georgetta Henrietta Isabella Juanita Katherina Lolita Marguerita Nerissa Octavia Petunia Quintessa Roberta Suzetta Tabitha Ursula Venitia Wilhelmina Xenia Zelda of Erd,It is I, your humble servant Prince Rupert of Xanadu who writes in pursuit of that most dearest object - your hand and your heart. Those most dearest objects. I beg you will forgive my deed in abducting you thus and soften your feelings towards me! Be mine! I have written you this most touching and charming poem in the hopes that soon your feelings towards me will turn to love.Antoinetta, amazing and lovely,Bernadetta, beautiful and lovely, Clarissa, charming and lovely,Drusilla, darling and lovely, Eleanora, elegant and lovely,Georgetta, gorgeous and lovely,Henrietta, handsome and lovely, Isabella , incandescent and lovely,Juanita, jolly and lovely, Katherina, k(a scribble) and lovely, Lolita, lovely and lovely, Marguerita, magnificent and lovely,Nerissa, noble and lovely, Octavia, omnipotent and lovely, Petunia, perfect and lovely, Quintessa, quintessential and lovely, Roberta, romantic and lovely, Suzetta, smashing and lovely, Tabitha, touching and lovely, Ursula, unbeatable and lovely, Venitia, victorious and lovely, Wilhelmina, wonderful and lovely, Xenia, xtra gorgeous and lovely, Zelda, zesty and lovely, of Erd, be mine!"
Ralph whistled. "Well, I'm not surprised this got thrown away. What a terrible poem! He couldn't even think of anything to go with Katherina!"
Ginger McSporran said, sticking out a huge hand "Let me see that!"
Ralph stood up and passed him the unfolded dart. Ginger McSporran read it through slowly and let out a whistle of his own. "Well, well, well. Maybe those gypsies knew what they were talking about after all. Sounds like this Prince Rupert fella has this Lady Antoinetta Bernadetta Clarissa Drusilla Eleanora Georgetta Henrietta Isabella Juanita Katherina Lolita Marguerita Nerissa Octavia Petunia Quintessa Roberta Suzetta Tabitha Ursula Venitia Wilhelmina Xenia Zelda of Erd imprisoned in a tower all right. I wonder if it's that castle there?" he looked up at the castle now looming large in the near distance.
Mad Pete scoffed. "Well do you see any other castles around here? Of course it's that one. And Prince Rupert must be the Prince of Xanadu. Well, it says he is. It all fits! He is clearly evil. Wait, there's something on the other side." He snatched the paper from Ginger McSporran and turned it over to read Lady Ann's message.
"To whoever finds this:Please help me! I have been imprisoned in the tallest tower of Prince Rupert's very tall castle! He intends to keep me here until I marry him! Please rescue me!Lady Antoinetta B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z of Erd."
"Well, young Ralph the Timid," he said slowly. "I think we've got a way to prove you're not a bad guy and meet your brother at the same time."
"Well, young Ralph the Timid," he said slowly. "I think we've got a way to prove you're not a bad guy and meet your brother at the same time."
So Ralph the Timid, Ginger McSporran, Mad Pete (and not to forget Twinkle or Ethel) set off up towards the castle, taking the letter with them.
But they were not the only ones to find a dart that day. "A rescue plea?" said a mysterious voice somewhere near the castle. "We'll see about that. Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah aha ha ha ha ah ah aha! Ah ha ha ha ah aha ha aha ha!"

(Word Count: 41674)