Chapter Thirteen: In Which Lady Ann Is Imprisoned.

The above chapter title may mislead the unwary. It could be read as stating that Lady Ann is imprisoned in Chapter Thirteen, which of course she is, this being Chapter Thirteen and Lady Ann is about to be imprisoned and thus, in the temporal sense, she will be imprisoned in chapter thirteen. However, the problem arises as the sentence could be read as stating that Lady Ann is imprisoned in Chapter Thirteen, that is to say that Chapter Thirteen was her prison and Lady Ann could not escape from it.

Rest assured this is not the case. Lady Ann will escape from Chapter Thirteen, although she still may be imprisoned. Because while she may enter a state of imprisonment during Chapter Thirteen, she was in fact physically imprisoned in a room at the top of a very tall tower in a very tall castle belonging to Prince Rupert. So really this whole problem could have been avoided merely by calling the chapter "Chapter Thirteen: In Which Lady Ann Is Imprisoned in a room at the top of a very tall tower in a very tall castle belonging to Prince Rupert" but that was rather long and unwieldly.

Let us now cast aside debates about grammar and syntax, and return to the inn whence Lady Ann had so recently tried to escape and fallen into a mud puddle.

Prince Rupert had tied her to the bar and gone away, so she had plenty of time to feel sorry for herself. Lady Ann was quite good at feeling sorry for herself. She sat and moped, and big tears welled up in her eyes, but never quite made up their minds to fall. If tears have minds, that is, which they probably don't, but you never can tell with these things. She sat next to the bar holding the dirty rope which tied her to it and looking beautifully miserable for at least half an hour, but it did no good. Prince Rupert, by the sounds of things, was having a raucous time in the other room, and there was no use in feeling sorry for yourself if there wasn't anyone to witness it and offer sympathy or alleviation of your woes.

So Lady Ann stopped feeling sorry for herself, blinked a couple of times to clear her eyes, and began to look about her for a way to free herself once more. There were no knives or scissors or useful sharp edges to be found on the public side of the bar, but there were bottles on the other side. Lots and lots of bottles lined the three shelves behind the bar, all of them different sizes and shapes, and all of them dusty.
Lady Ann thought to herself, and came up with a cunning plan. She could break one of the bottles, and use the broken glass to saw through the rope and then she would be free! She would like to break the bottle over the head of the dastardly Prince Rupert, she thought with alarming fierceness for someone of such delicate princessish sensibilities. But alas, it did not seem that Prince Rupert would emerge from the other room in any great hurry, and perhaps that was just as well. Lady Ann was a sensible princess - particularly for one born in the year of the flying pig - and she knew that having more time to get away would be better than a short but satisfying blow to the head. Unless it knocked him out, of course...she considered this for a moment. But no, escape with the minimum of danger was more important. She was not omnipotent, after all.

She stood up and tried to edge her way around the bar so she could reach a bottle. Unfortunately the rope was not long enough and she did not even make it to the end. She returned to the point where she was tied and picked at the knot, to no avail. She tried stretching over the bar, standing on tiptoe and straining for all her might. It was no use. Lady Ann said something exclamatory and undignified under her breath, and then, hoisting her skirts up with one hand, scrambled in an ungainly manner onto the bar. She lay on the top for a moment, listening to see if Prince Rupert had heard. It appeared he had not.
She slithered onto her feet on the other side, one arm pulled across the top of the bar. It was a most uncomfortable posture, but like this she was able to pull the nearest bottle down from its shelf. It was a tall but narrow bottle made of some sort of dark brownish glass. It bore no label, and was so dusty it made almost made her sneeze, but she managed to avoid it. It was unlikely that a sneeze would bring Prince Rupert out, but you never knew.

Holding the bottle by the neck, she hit it against the bar, as quietly as possible while still trying to hit it hard enough to break it. Needless to say, it did not break. Deciding she might be able to hit hard if she did, Lady Ann put the bottle on the bar, scrambling back over and picked it up again. She tapped it against the bar again. It merely bounced off. She pulled back her hand to hit it harder against the bar and heard the sound of Prince Rupert's voice come closer. Hurriedly she sat down again and tucked the bottle under her skirts. If she couldn't cut her rope now, she'd wait and hit him over the head with it.


Prince Rupert opened the door into the main bar room and came through. He pulled his sword from its scabbard, and with what Lady Ann thought of as unnecessarily dramatic brandishing, sliced through the rope which bound Lady Ann to the bar.

She sat and looked at him, trying to surreptiously put the bottle into the large pocket on the skirt of her dress.

"Well, come along, Lady Ann!" he said with a complete lack of lover like fervour. "Let's get you to your tower."

Lady Ann got up slowly, keeping her hands behind her back. This is not as easy as it sounds, particularly when holding a bottle. Perhaps you could try it now to get to grips with how difficult Lady Ann found it. It is, however, easier than getting up quickly with both hands behind your back. "I trust you are not going to sling me over the back of your horse again, you black hearted villain!" she said.

She knew that damsels in distress, if they were plucky ones, always addressed their captors in such a way. She'd always liked those stories better than the ones where the heroine was a bit wet and just spent all the time screaming for help and swooning delicately. Also, she needed a little more time to get the bottle into her pocket.

Prince Rupert laughed. "Ha ha ha ha ha ah ha! A black hearted villain am I, Lady Ann? For such words I am sorely tempted to throw you across my saddlebows and ride off again towards my domain. But I am not so ungentlemanly! Nor so evil! In fact far from it! I like kittens and puppies as much as the next man! And more than Jared O'Bragginan the Kitten Eating Brute of South Westland! But not to eat!" He was getting very exclamatory and had lost his train of thought, so had to pause and think for a moment. He laughed again to cover up his slip. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha ha! Where was I? Oh yes! I am not so ungentlemanly, Lady Ann! You shall be transported to my mighty stronghold in a very comfortable manner!"

With these words, Prince Rupert strode towards Lady Ann, eyes flashing in a way that could, in different circumstances, have been considered dashing or romantic, but in this setting just came across as rather stupid and slightly insane.
LAdy Ann drew back, pressing herself into the bar and pushing the bottle as deep into her pocked as it would possibly go.
Prince Rupert seized her by the arm, the one which was no longer ensleeved by her dress. "Come!" he said preemptorially. Or something like that, possibly something easier to spell. Maybe sharply. Villains always say things sharply, don't they?
Lady Ann certainly thought so. "Do not speak to me so sharply, Prince Rupert!" she said, as snootily as she dared. "And unhand me! There is no need to manhandle me into obeying you. I realise full well that I am in your power and resisting will do me no good."
She was doing her best to sound like one of those pathetic, swoony damsels in distress and in doing so lull Prince Rupert into a false sense of security thus allowing her to clonk him on the head with the bottle and flee to a safe place. It seemed to be working, at least a little, for Prince Rupert unhanded her, and threw back his head and laughed.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I see you begin to realise your position, Lady Ann!"
Lady Ann turned her head away from him and rolled her eyes. She was getting a little tired of this constant laughing. Prince Rupert seemed to believe that it would make him look either more villainous, more scary or more powerful. It did not. It simply made him look more deranged. This, coupled with his exclamtory way of speaking, did not make her think of him as very secure or competent villian. Surely she could escape from him at some point.

He prodded her in the back and she walked in front of him out of the inn. Once out of the inn she stopped and drew her bare foot up off the ground, because it was cold and the mud was squishing unpleasantly between her toes. You may think that by this stage Lady Ann should have been used to getting dirty, and indeed she was very dirty, but still, wet mud oozing coldly.between your toes is not the most pleasant of sensations.
She looked at Prince Rupert questioningly.
He waved his hand in front of her, indicating something she should look at. She looked.
There, in the near distance and getting ever nearer was a large black coach pulled by four - no, six, no...there were more the six, at least eight - horses, all also black. It looked as if Prince Rupert would be true to his word. She would be transported to her prison in relative comfort.
She began to wonder at this point at how she had not realised that Prince Rupert would turn out to be an evil abductor. It was so obvious. His scar, his sinister countenance, his predeliction for wearing black clothes, and carrying a sharp vicious looking sword in a scabbard that read 'i like killing things' - they all had pointed to him not being the nicest of gentlemen. When you added that to the fact that she had been born in the year of the flying pig and therefore was practically DESTINED to be a damsel in distress, it was amazing no one had realised it. Really, her family were a bunch of idiots, she said to herself, and so was she! The omnipotent power of the birth date on the individual was so taken for granted among the Erds that it was practically ignored.
As she thought the end of this thought, the big black coach that was indeed pulled by eight jet black horses of unusual size rolled into the inn yard. Prince Rupert helped her in to the coach.
It was a comfortable coach, lined with thick black cushions. It was extremely roomy. Lady Ann tried to settle herself back against the cushions, but before she could relax, Prince Rupert held out a hand. "Before you lie back to enjoy your journey, Lady Anntoinetta of Erd! There is one thing you must do."
He produced a blindfold from somewhere under his voluminous black cape. Lady Ann thought - he wears a cape! a BLACK cape! HOW, how did I not notice that he was bound to kidnap me and imprison me till I agreed to marry him? and aloud said "A blindfold, Prince Rupert? You falsest of friends!"She thought it sounded quite good and nicely dramatic.
Prince Rupert clearly did not agree, for he threw back his head and laughed in his evil way. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ah haha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yes, Lady Ann! A blindfold! I cannot have you singing to the birds and the stars to tell your rescuers where you are! I know that is what Princesses do and I will not risk it! A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
He loomed towards her and before she knew it, Lady Ann was blindfolded.This made the journey significantly less pleasant. She was still sitting comfortably, and it was a lot better than being slung across the withers of a horse like an old sack of potatoes, she had to admit. It was still unnerving to not have any idea where you were going, and the coach was travelling at a rapid pace. Every now and then it would swing wildly going around a corner and Lady Ann would find herself lying on the floor or the cushion or crammed up against one side of the coach.
This went on for quite some time. Lady Ann had tried to count the seconds to see how long she had been travelling for but she lost count at around one hundred and thirty two seconds and had given in almost immediately. She would just have to guess.
At length, a significant amount of time later Lady Ann guessed, the coach slowed its breakneck pace. There was a loud clatter of horse feet and coach wheels on a paved surface as the coach swept into somewhere paved and drew to a halt. Prince Rupert laughed again. "Ah hah ha ha ha h -" he stopped abruptly, realising he had neither done nor said anything evil or even remotely menacing and laughing was a bit unneccesary at this point. "We have arrived, Lady Ann! My evil plan is taking effect!" he added this rider to make sure that she knew why he was laughing, even if he didn't.
Lady Ann sighed heavily and picked herself up off the floor where she had slithered as the coach jerked to a stop. "I gathered that we had arrived somewhere, Prince Rupert!" she said with as much calmness as she could manage while still injecting as much hatred and anger as she could into her voice. It was not very effective.
Prince Rupert, true to form, laughed. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yes, indeed, we have arrived somewhere! And no - " he added hurriedly and in an exclamatory way, seeing his captive reach up to remove the blindfold, " you may not remove the blindfold until you are safely in your tower.!"
Lady Ann sighed and resignedly lowered her arms. Or at least, so it seemed. She had, in pretending to attempt to remove her blindfold, achieved a little change in the amount of vision available to her. She could see now, reasonably clearly, her feet and everything around them. However, it suited her to have Prince Rupert believe that she was still completely blind.
"Very well, o dastardly villain!" she said in true damsel in distress fashion. "Take me to my prison!"
Prince Rupert thought he had a very good reason to laugh at this and did so very heartily and at great length. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h ah ah -" he paused for breath "- ah ah ah ah ah ahahahaha hahah hah hahah haha hah hah ha ha ha!"
And with that he seized Lady Ann by the arm and dragged her from the coach.
Lady Ann saw from under her blindfold that they were in the courtyard before a great castle, one of the biggest she had ever seen. Prince Rupert hustled her through the courtyard and up some wide flagstoned stairs. They went through a number of wide rooms with elaborately woven floor coverings, through some dark hallways and then reached a long, stony, dark staricase that spiralled up, up, up, up, up. It just kept on going. Lady Ann found herself wishing she had gone walking with her fellow princesses more often, or riding more often, or anything involving exercise more often. She was getting redder and hotter and her breath was coming more quickly and she kept stumbling because of her dress and not really being able to see where the steps were. There were so many of them and they were so narrow and Prince Rupert was dragging her up them so quickly. Up and up and up and up and up they climbed. There seemed no end. She now knew one thing for sure, even if she wasn't quite certain if she could find her way back through the castle, she would recognise this staircase. It went on, Prince Rupert gripping her by the arm and pulling her upwards. Up, up, up, up. Did the man never tire? Up, up, up and up some more. Who built this staircase? Surely they must have been omnipotent to have the strength to haul the stones up this high, thought Lady Ann. And why build such a thing? Why? Why? Who could possibly need a tower this tall? They went on, onwards and upwards. And then, all of a sudden, they were there.
Lady Ann blinked as Prince Rupert removed her blindfold. She was in a reasonably spacious room with a grey stone floor. There was a large rug in the centre of the floor, a bed against one wall and a table and chair against the other. It actually looked quite comfortable - and then she looked out the window. The ground was a very long way a way. She drew back in a hurry as Prince Rupert laughed again. "Ha ha ha! You won't be escaping that way, Lady Ann! In fact you won't be escaping at all!"
Lady Ann reached for the bottle in her pocket, but before she could retrieve it Prince Rupert was gone, shutting and locking the great wooden door behind him.
She was imprisoned in a room at the top of a very tall tower in a very tall castle belonging to Prince Rupert, and she didn't know how she was going to escape.

(Word Count: 15180)